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Sign:(Aries)
Born: Olympia WA. (look for the star on the map)
Sex: yes please
Vital stats: my mom says I'm handsome
Eyes-green
Hair-dark brown, reddish beard (Irish)
Two hundred and thirty pounds of hot man meat
6 foot 1 with shoes on
Have been fired from every job I've ever had
Favorite colors-red and black
Famous quote: "make it a double"
Hobbies:
Making up music (piano and keyboards)
Porn collection
Blunt tactics
Drive bys
Cultivation
Masturbation (13 times in one day is the record)
Turn ons:
Big butts, biting,
Hair that likes to be pulled (the longer the better except if it covers the
butt)
Girl's faces when they're cumming
Kissing, Catholic school girls
Belly button rings (except on a 400+lb. man named Toro)
Turn offs:
The words "No" and "stop"
Anorexic chicks including all you cranked out ho's
First Cousins, Toro, breast implants
Iced out playaz' ballin' out of control
"Your life is a real life story of Peter-Pan,
A leprechaun, a ninja a master of midgets,
This is the beginning of a Religion,
The birth of the greatest band in America"
Quote from a homeless man in downtown Olympia
I was born at St. Peters hospital; from that day on the world has not been the same. I spent most my time being the fat kid that never got laid. One thing about fat kids is they can fuck way better than everyone else cuz they spend so much time thinking about it. I didn't loose my virginity till I was 17,wich is the same time I found out who my father was……Ron Jeremy
This was a huge hurdle in my life, always in the shadow of the greatest porn star in the world. My dad and me are pretty cool, he's paid child support to my mom who kept his identity a secret until I was "old enough to understand". My mom and "step" dad (who raised me to be his) wish to remain out of the spotlight.
I met Sled dog at Olympia High School when we were both freshmen. We still like freshmen girls. I ran into Sled dog when I was 20 at Music 6000. He graduated at a different school and we lost touch. Sled was homeless and spent most of his time riding with me while I was working delivering Pizza Hut pizzas. This was the beginning of our music legacy. We'd smoke bowls and make up rhymes to entertain ourselves, and then I'd drop old Sled off at his probation officer stoned as fuckJ
My jobs have either been working with retards or pizza. I can no longer work with the mentally disabled because I showed up to work and was way fucked up, I fucked up. I miss my 'tards, I can call them that cuz I like them more than most normal people. Most people don't view them as people but they are, they're real and one day I want to show the whole world how the mentally disabled get down. Sled wants to throw shows with the Differently Abled . Shit I feel that if Blink 182, one of the lamest of the Prep-Punk generation can play on MTV with midgets I feel we got a good shot. I already have a midget, not like the guy in Kid Rocks band. RIP. I have the bomb and the fire and in time I will show you all the beauty they possess inside and kick in the door of the modern world. Being dyslexic, I too am mildly retarded.
Besides my father I idle Buttman and Roco Siffredi those guys are the best (no
offense dad, but they fuck hot chicks!) I also love Hugh Heffner, fuck the mans
got 7 kickass girlfriends that are old enough to be his daughters or granddaughters.
I love to party, it has got me nowhere in life but it sure is fun getting nowhere…….
My name is Corndog, and I am a SESAME STREET GANGSTER………
P.S.
Props to all those hot teachers out there
Givin' the extra credit.
Sincerely,
CORN R. JEREMY
P.P.S. What?